Option one or Option two?

Part 1- Infertility Journey

Part 2- Option 1 or option 2 (you are here)

Part 3- When all you can do is cry

Part 4- Just a little sting

Part 5- Love at first sight

Part 6- The silver lining 

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To read the first part in this series head over here.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to get out of my comfort zone and share our story of infertility.  This is the second installment of our story.  To see the first post head over here.

We found out in June 2010 that we have infertility after trying to get pregnant for over 2.5 years.  We didn’t really know what that meant.  None of our other family members have had to deal with any of these types of issues.

We started to do research.

What we found was that we had the most sever case of infertility.  This meant at we would need to utilize every aspect of the IVF process in order to get pregnant.  Of course this comes with a high price tag.  Once we looked into how much it would cost we knew that at $20,000 we would not be able to do invitro fertilization (IVF) right away.  Actually we didn’t even know if IVF was even possible.

The doctors had only told us the reason why we could’t get pregnant and that more tests were needed to determine if IVF was an option.

After the news of why we would need IVF, we went dormant for a few more months.  I didn’t want to pursue it anymore.  It was too painful.

I had so many thoughts swarming around my brain including a bunch of what ifs.  I am a pessimist by nature so a lot of my thoughts were saying “Even if we try it probably wouldn’t work.”

Time passed, as it alway does, I started to heal. A little.  My subconscious had time to sort through all my thoughts so that they were more realistic about our circumstance.

We decided in earlier 2011 to go see a world renowned doctor in LA.

We went to his office and told him our story.  He was the first person who gave us hope.

He said he had worked with other people who had similar issues to ours.  He said that with IVF, children were probably possible.

Yay!!

My heart almost jumped for joy.

I am the type of person who hates to get let down.  I was hopefully optimistic.

But, there was a catch….

The catch was that Mr. Main had to have surgery to determine if he had sperm inside or not.  Sperm that was being produced but not able to come out, due to his surgery.  The tests prior only told us that none was present in his semen.

We had two options:

Option #1:

They could take him into surgery immediately to determine if there was sperm. If there was, they would freeze any sperm they retrieved from the surgery and keep it until I started the IVF process.

Once they were ready to join the sperm and the eggs together they would thaw the sperm and hope that it survived and would still be able fertilize.  Price tag $2000

Option #2:

Have me start the IVF process and once my eggs were ready to be retrieved Mr. Main would have his surgery.  If there was sperm then they would harvest it fresh and join it with the fresh eggs.  Price tag $16,000 plus $2000

haha this is all kind of funny to write… harvest, freeze, retrieve, surgery….hopefully a baby, right!!!

At this point we had no clue if there was sperm or not.

This might not seem like a hard choice but it was.  The doctor told us that fresh is always better. We had to decide if we wanted to do the surgery before I started IVF to ensure that sperm was available.

We would have to risk using frozen sperm for the cycle if we did it this way.

Waiting to do the surgery could mean that we spend 16,000 and then realize that he doesn’t have any sperm.  I didn’t want to go though the taxing procedure of IVF and spend all that money just to find out that he really didn’t have any.

We needed time to decided which one to choose….. option 1…..  or…… option 2….

Again we went dormant.  I was overwhelmed.  When I get overwhelmed I shut down.  We stopped pursuing IVF for a while.

Knowledge is power.

At this point in my life I felt like I sort of knew something.  At least a little bit about what was wrong and what we needed to do to proceed forward.  This knowledge did give me some comfort, even though I was not ready to move forward.

I was able to be happier in life.  That little bit of knowledge gave me strength to move forward.  I had hope and that hope was helping me to live a better, happier life.

By the middle of 2011 we had the opportunity to travel a little bit.  We lived in Hawaii for a summer!  It was a wonderful time of relaxation, great tans and beautiful weather.  We made some great friends too.

After Hawaii we moved back to southern California for a few months.

We even lived down in Sierra Vista Arizona, right on the Mexico boarder for a while.  It was an amazing year for us.

I did not worry about our issues of infertility.  I soaked up our travels like warm sun on a cold winter afternoon.

It was great for me to be able to internalize the financial and physical burden that was looming.  I was also able to come to grips with the reality of IVF and what that all entailed.  It was a time of reflection and growth.

After our one year of traveling had ended we had the opportunity to come back to Utah permanently.  This was part of our long term goal.  After having been gone for several years it was great to be close to family again.

As the beginning of 2012 rolled around, it felt like a new start.

We were back home.  We had the opportunity of a new job.  We were living in a beautiful area.

I was feeling like the pieces were starting to fall into place.  The possibility of a baby was so close!

Above all,  I was coming to terms with the reality of our infertility.

It only took me 2 years….

I was excited for our new adventure even though it scared me to death.

This whole process has helped me learn so much about myself.  First off,  I learned that I need time to think about challenges and other issues in my life. I have to study the options and think them out clearly in my mind before I act.   Even if it is just time for my subconscious to think.

I also learned that patience is not my strong trait.  I had to be patient during this whole process but sadly I did not wear my patience well.  I hope that I can move forward with better patience, having learned something from all of this…….

P.S

Aren’t these pictures cool!!

I took all of these pictures from a recent trip to our family farm.  I can always find a treasure here! The view is amazing!!

This isn’t the end of our story, be sure to follow along and subscribe so you never miss a post!!

How do you deal with difficult challenges!?

 

You are reading part 2, here is part 1,or here is part 3.