Part 1- Infertility Journey
Part 2- Option 1 or option 2
Part 3- When all you can do is cry (you are here)
Part 4- Just a little sting
Part 5- Love at first sight
Part 6- The silver lining
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To read the first part in this series head over here.
In June 2010 my hubby, Mr. Main and I found out that we have infertility issues…. It came as a huge shock to both of us…. Literally we were blown away. It see the first post in this series head over to read about our infertility journey.
Over the next couple of years we went in and out of pursuing treatments but really we weren’t that serious about it. It was not that we didn’t want to have a baby, it was more because the reality of our situation needed time to sink in. Plus, we were not in a position financially to take on that kind of burden.
On that June summer day, the day we found out why we weren’t getting pregnant something inside me clicked….
We were living in a place where there were many many couples our age….. most of them living lives similar to ours, school and work. One thing that they had that we didn’t was children……
I longed for kids. It was so hard for me to see others with babies…. it sort of made me mad… I hate to say that, but it’s true.
I was upset that others could find happiness and I could not….. I was throwing a selfish pity party….
On that day something clicked….
I needed something to love, something to call my own, something to help heal my heart. As weird as this may sound I went in search of a puppy….. The very weekend after we found out about the infertility I was out searching!
Since money was tight I knew we would probably end up with a pound dog, which I was totally fine with.
The only real problem was that I wanted a puppy….
Have you ever been to a pound? There is usually not a huge selection of puppies….. like none.
I went to dog fair after dog fair, pound after pound….. My weekends were dedicated entirely to finding a dog…kinda pathetic…. but I was on a mission.
After about one month of looking I had almost given up.
It was a Sunday afternoon and since Mr. Main was so busy he usually was not able to accompany me on my puppy searches. I pleaded with him to come with me to the pound, the pound I had just been to the day before…… I just felt like we should go take another look!
We drove over and started to walk up and down the isles of the shelter. The sounds of dogs whimpering and barking to get any attention filled the air. You could sense the urgency in the barks, the dogs longing to get out of their cages.
Right in the middle of the shelter we came to a cage that had a small ball of white fluff inside. The dog was so small, yipping for attention.
We had someone come and open the cage so we could pet and hold HER…..
As soon as I laid eyes on her I knew she was supposed to be mine….
We went into the office and inquired about adopting her. They told us she still needed some tests and that she was not able to be adopted yet. We were told to check online every day until there was a mark next to her name. Once the mark was there she would be ready to be adopted the next day.
She told me to arrive early as it was first come first serve!
I checked diligently the next few days until she became available. I woke up quite early that day. I was on a mission and I did not want anyone else to get there before me….
I arrived at the shelter around 6am, even thought it didn’t open until 9am…
As I sat on the curb by the front door 5 people came behind me over the course of 3 hours asking me if I was there for the little white puppy…. Yes!!! Yes I was!!
I was excited and nervous all at once. Once the place opened they gave me a number. I waited for what seemed like another hour until they finally called me up…..I was of course first in line!
After I paid the fee they told me she would need to go into surgery to be spayed and that I could come back the next day to pick her up.
When I arrived to pick her up she was so small and full of energy. I hadn’t bought a dog crate yet so I had to put her in a cardboard box in the back seat of the the car….
She wined the whole drive home because she didn’t want to be alone.
I on the other hand was grinning from ear to ear the ride home!!!
I had found a puppy….. the perfect puppy for me….
Let me ask you a question….Have you ever owned a puppy?
They are so cute….
They are so small……
They are so playful…..
They are so much work……!!
This was my first experience really having responsibity for something other than myself. It was sort of eye opening for me.
I had to train her how to go potty outside.
I had to train her how to walk on a leash.
I had to train her how to come when called.
I had to train and train and train……..
The discipline that was needed to train her, trained myself.
I was, in a way, able to forget about the infertility issues looming. I was able to focus my energy into something positive instead of dwelling the the negative that I could not change.
Having a puppy brought me so much joy. Having something to distract my efforts and energy made all the difference. It allowed me take a step back and see the bigger picture to realize that my life was not over that this was a hurdle and that was it. It was a challenge that could be accomplished or somehow resolved….even if it meant adaption.
I was living my life before this puppy like it was over. There were no more reasons to progress forward. She helped me zap back into reality. The reality that my life wasn’t over that I could still be happy!!
The name that we chose for her is Mazie! She is named after the girl from the movie “Uncle Buck.” Not really that cool of a story…. but ya know!!
She will be turning 5 this year, my has time gone by fast. She still has not lost here puppy attitude. I get asked all the time if she is a puppy.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we all go through tough stuff, some of it is really really really tough. Even harder than what we have had to go through. We don’t have to live in a cave saying poor me. We can lift our chins up and take a step forward.
Sometimes finding a puppy to love is all it takes to get zapped back into reality.
Life is still going to happen, time will still pass. Why sit in a corner and cry…. that surely won’t change anything…
So….
When all you can do is cry….. cry for a while…..then get back up and keep moving….
Have you ever gone through something tough? How did you do it? How did you keep moving forward?
You are reading part 3, here is part 2, or here is part 4.
What do you think of how I recently decorated my little green table?
Come see how I transformed my childhood vanity into a functional and pretty entry table.
Hawthorne & Main is all about finding your style for your space! It should be a reflection of you! 
I'm so glad that Mazie has been able to help you on your journey and that she has made your life more energized and lively! It's funny how animals have the ability to bring out the best in us 🙂 We are hoping to get a puppy sometime this summer and I might have to ask you for some training tips!
So glad you are happy now. Stress complicates infertility. It seems to me God has a sense of humor and often blesses us by granting our wishes at the most inopportune times. I got pregnant the month my husband lost his job. A friend got hers after landing her dream job, head nurse in a contageous diseases ward. My daughter did not conceive until she completed ivf and was told by her doctor she was about as likely to have a child as to be struck by lightning. She cried herself to sleep for 2 weeks and she was pregnant within 6 months of resigning herself to never being a mom. No one knows who can and cannot conceive. In the meantime try using distilled water to drink and cook with. Many municipal water systems recycle water and drugs like birthcontrol and viagra have been found in the water because so many people use them, they are excreted in urine and find their way into the water table. Distillation removes everything from water. It cannot hurt you and it is worth a try. I wish your dreams come true.
What not one picture of your dog?
I was confused about this post. Seeing it on a link up party for creative ideas I thought it was about home decor. The images with this post does not go along with what this post is about. It kinda made me feel like I was duped. I loved the story about your new addition. But i would have liked to see more than one image of your new puppy. I don't think I am the only reader that feels this way. Nevertheless, good luck on your journey and best wishes
This is beautiful! My husband and I got a dog this year and it's amazing how much my heart has grown to love her. She looks at me with her big brown eyes and my heart about melts! Thanks for your vulnerability and honesty about all you guys have gone through. I know so many women who've wrestled with it and your sharing is so encouraging!
Lauren @ Sobremesa Stories
Shonee, thank you so much for sharing your heart and soul and for being so brave to put into words what many women struggle with. That little Mazie is precious! More often than we should, those of us (or at least I) who have children sometimes take motherhood for granted, and even for those of us who haven't traveled this path that you're on, it's an excellent reminder to appreciate what we have. As for any others who may feel "duped" by your link (which I'm sure is a very small number), pay no mind. Keep doing what you're doing, girl! You make the world a better place. A story about perseverance and the human spirit beats the pants off of a furniture makeover any day…and that's sayin' something.
I'm sorry to hear about your infertility struggles, Shonee. I think your positive message here is such an important one. And for the record, I didn't feel duped by your post at all. I too found your post through a link party and the title alone made it clear to me that this would be a personal story. I'm so glad you shared it. ~Amy
p.s. Mazie is adorable!
Having struggled with infertility for almost 4 years before getting pregnant, I can totally relate to your post. It takes a lot of courage to speak with such strong emotions, and I think it is great that you were able to do that. There are many people out there who can empathize with what you are going through, and I will say a prayer that God will grant you the desires of your heart. And I agree with Lauren, "A story about perseverance and the human spirit beats the pants off of a furniture makeover any day".
Brooke Riley~Re-Fabbed
Oh my, what a moving story. I wish you all the best moving forward, and I'm happy that Mazie "found" you. It was definitely meant to be.
Yours was the most clicked link this week, so it's being featured on My Repurposed Life.
gail
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